First Impressions are often Wrong Impressions

It’s so easy to think we have a certain impression of someone, that we find out later is totally 100% NOT the correct one!

We form our thoughts on someone usually based on ‘’outward or surface’’ appearances.  

‘’Social’’/’’cognitive’’ and smarts by how we see them, are so easy to misjudge. 

Where I volunteer, I had someone I work with only once a week, ‘’pegged’’ in such a way that I will never forget, as the impression I had was completely on the other end in the matter of her career and other things.

I was so happy to have a chance to get to know her more - found out we have some major things in common! I had a chance to get to know her more as another staff member wasn’t there as she usually was. 

Well - it gave me something to write about! 

As I do have learning/memory and processing issues but have improved as I age, there is always room for improvement. I actually felt ashamed a little, but am in a good enough space that I am not beating myself up over it. 

She made a certain suggestion on something and I took it, and I am looking forward to getting to know her more.  

It’s important to slow our minds/hearts down and be sensitive.  

Not to be so quick to judge others on what we see on the surface (TREAT OTHERS HOW WE WANT TO BE TREATED) and how we see character/personality, etc. 

Just try and remember to take the time to really know someone before a false opinion is found (I learned these habits from a certain place, guess I know now I am ready to unlearn them). 

It happens to be my biggest frustration when some people around me see me a certain way, and have thoughts and opinions because they haven’t seen me in this or that scenario (work) or (other) and it's all based on (social) stuff, how (I sound when I talk)/ or other. 

(I have a cleft soft palate). I’m different. 

I just keep going.  

I just keep doing my best. 

You always know when you are accepted for who you are, and WE ALL need this. 

Awareness is sometimes painful, but as long as we remember, and we learn from our mistakes, and do better the next time, that’s what matters. 

Written by: 

Nahani Rose 

Living with 22q

Oct 8/2022

Just Push Through

 

When you are a kid, you want everything to come easy, if it’s too hard, you tend to go the other way, without lack of encouragement or ‘’pushing’’ gently from other sources. 

This is one of my greatest difficulties, with my back the way it is, and my learning challenges/work challenges.  

One of my new friends said one thing that will stick with me, I believe, and it is 

Just push through. 

It will help me now, in EVERYTHING.  

Why do we love the easy button so much?  

There are so many things I need to model for my daughter, and this is definitely one of them… 

Despite how you are feeling, you have to ignore it at times.  Not always possible, you also have to do things wisely still, and within the right boundaries.  

Getting up and going to work, when you can hardly move a muscle or every bone aches. 

When you feel depressed, force yourself out of bed to go and do AT LEAST ONE THING to feel productive and feel better all the way around.  

It is hard to push through headaches, this is one thing I know.  But, anything that you can push through - you gotta push.  

Certain things always need to get done, household, personal care, and family member care. Yardwork.  

We never want things to go like they are not being looked after.  

Just push through.  

Push through Covid. Push through supply issues. Push through personal needs, and household needs. Push through. 

When you love someone or something, you put all your needs aside at times, to do what’s needed for them.  

Just push through.  

A breakup, a scammer, a relationship let down.  A divorce, a job loss.  

                                 Just push through!

WE GOT THIS!  Life has been challenging for me, but I have accomplished MUCH recently - feeling proud helps you push through! 

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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.' -Mary Anne Radmacher, American author and artist

Ask yourself this question: 'Will this matter a year from now?'--Richard Carlson, American psychotherapist and author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

“The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.--Confucius (551-479 BC), philosopher

Written by Nahani Rose, August 2022

Living with 22q

If You Need ANYTHING, Let ME KNOW!

Do you have someone in your life who is always angry, or angry at you?  

These last few years were very trying but good for the people around me - who needed to learn more supportive ways - more loving ways.  

Not arms distance love.  

Often, when there are unhealthy dynamics in a relationship, our focus is on the other person, and what THEY are doing wrong.  

The statement above was the beginning of a new relationship with a family member.

When this statement is spoken, with sincerity, the person realizes that you really care for them.  It also breaks the ice, because they realize you are sincere, no matter what kind of issue is going on. 

Some people aren’t in the business of ‘’forgiving’’ or ‘’forgetting.’’

But taking things off yourself helps them to feel more at ease, and eventually things fall away.  

I used to think things had to be ‘’discussed’’ and ‘’resolved’’ in a concrete manner. 

This isn’t always true, you can tell at times if there is anger towards you just by comments, actions, etc..  Things can be ‘’let go of.’’ So, we can cherish each other during those times.  

During the EASY Times as well as the HARD times.

Expressing oneself freely, with no strings attached, no conditional love (how I was raised),  breaks down walls and barriers and wrong mindsets and beliefs. 

Sometimes it will take time, but this did work for me.  And I continue to use it.  Love has no bounds.  It can not ‘’have expectations.’’ It cannot be told what to do.  

LOVE has a mind of its own, just as the heart does.  

I have learned very much, how much the heart and mind do NOT work together.  

Listen to your heart always. Be humble.  

This is what makes things go from negative to positive and brings change. 

Listen to your heart.

 “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.“ – Robert Louis Stevenson

“Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it.” – Chinese proverb

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand 

“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” – Denis Waitley

 

Written by: 

Nahani Rose 

July 25, 2022

When we don't get our way

Sometimes we are angry for one simple reason - things are not going our way.  

In these times I have learned, that it's best to just surrender and accept - take what you can (like in my last post, settling for the next best situation). 

When we do this we need to explore other things and learn more about ourselves. For those around us, there is a higher purpose. 

It’s hard when we don’t have our way. I STILL do get cranky at times because I don’t have my way in my own scenario. I just make the best of it, and keep going. I am so thankful for my friends, my income is tight and I am working on getting a different thing going.  

Having my friends helping each other out during these times is so important. It’s very humbling, and hard emotionally. It just makes a person even more thankful. 

We can focus on our self-care, we can be healthier for those around us, whatever way we can do it.  

We can focus on our passions, career, and bucket lists.  

Letting go of anger and frustration daily, and being grateful and positive in the end will help make it all easier. In the moments when we feel anger, discouraged, frustrated, grief, confusion, 

Mantras can be a good way to dissolve and save ourselves before we develop a root of anger in ourselves. Whether created by yourself, Biblical or whatever your religion is, or quotes as below, can help us to get out of the mind frame of it. 

It’s hard to surrender - it hurts at the time, but in the end, it's worth it.  

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1. “The moment of surrender is not when life is over, it’s when it begins.” – Marianne Williamson

2. “What is given to you is what is needed; what you want, requires giving up what you don’t need.” – George Alexiou

3. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ~ Thomas Edison

4. The one thing you’ve gotta do is that you need to always do the best you can do, no matter what the given situation, no matter what comes up against you. You do the best you can do, and you never give up. Never quit. ~ James Corden

5. You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ~ Maya Angelou

Written By :

Nahani Johnson 7/5/2022

 

It will all work out...eventually!

Avalon: You two are gonna keep doing things as usual.

Booth: Sometimes you gotta settle for second best.

Avalon: By the way, my cards tell me this all works out eventually.

Booth: Oh. Really?

Bones: What works out eventually?

This is a quote from one of my favorite TV shows, and has been for a very long time. The chemistry between the actors is awesome, as well as the humor, sarcasm, ect.

Avalon is one of Angela’s friends and also a psychic.

As a woman, we are taught to believe,

most of our adult life NEVER to ‘’settle’’

for second best….

Perhaps it is a feminist mindset from way back when?

Then, we go through our lives not settling, and missing the boat, I think at times and wondering why we cannot get to where we want to go, or have what we want.

When I was watching this the other day, I knew that I was going to write about it, sorry that I cannot find the actual clip,

but it is Bones - Season 5 Ep 1 - Harbingers in a Fountain.

One of the ending clips.

I believe this statement from Avalon, as it is, I think, the open door to what we really want,

if other things are lined up the right way as well.

I believe the door to what we really want and getting it, is mostly

patience.

And having the right support around you.

Settling for the next best situation is something I have had to do in my familial situation or expect to have to do when the timing is right.

We are brought up to believe that ‘’settling’’ is almost like a sin.

I do not think this way at all….

Going with the flow, especially when we don’t get our way, and being grateful more than anything for what we do have, is the precursor to getting what we want,

and it’s not a sin.

Settling for second best,

CAN be a good thing, along with our intuition as well!

If it doesn’t agree with what our intuition says, for sure close that door or relationship, or career move, etc.

Written by:

Nahani Johnson

June 21, 2022

Everything really, is about timing!

 

I have learned that life really is about 

Timing, 

but it is also about     

Waiting and 

Patience….. 

For whatever it is we are waiting for. 

But why, it’s so…….. 

HARD TO WAIT !!!! 

Self-Care, 

Growing UP, growing pains, priorities, learning healthy living, boundaries, assertiveness.

Puzzle pieces really need to be in the right places.  

‘’Wait’’ for it…… 

They have to also be the ‘’right’’ kind of

Puzzle pieces.  

We know our ‘’selves’’ better than anyone else does - in the meantime, we need to focus on our self-care, hobbies, passions, education, career; 

Our selves - first. 

We need to get passed the past and look to the future as best as we can.  

Scars will always be there, but they can be minimized- 

- with your self-care and self-love. 

I myself am getting treatments here, soon, to help me with what I call mommy-tummy - It’s very difficult for me, I have S-curve scoliosis, and have been doing everything right. The evidence is there, I just need this one thing called BODY CONTOURING, now and more physio from a certain place I love.  

In a while, I may post pictures, before and after ones. 

I have dealt with this since 2011 and have been working on getting in shape since 2018. Moving around in bed is hard, vehicles are hard, my work is hard, anything to do with bending. I think I will be taller after this too!

I have certain relationship dreams that are finally lining up, but I need to feel good again! 

Doing the best things for ourselves no matter what it takes - that’s what brings us joy and happiness and fulfillment.  

Somehow we learn to give to receive (love, attention, etc). 

We need to put ourselves first before we can look after others well. 

When you are a child you’re still learning to take care of yourself; what happens when a person has to look after their parents or siblings firsthand?

We lose track of ourselves. 

Lose our dreams, desires, wants, needs, 

Then, we wonder why we feel the way we do: confused, mad, angry, in a fog, etc.

These are some of my favourite quotes:

"Observe due measure, for right timing is in all things the most important factor."

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"So much of life is not about whether you're good or bad, or right or wrong, or can afford or not afford - it's just about timing." - A. A. Gill, 'Uncle Dysfunctional', 2017.
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"Sometimes, the thing you've been looking for your whole life is right there beside you all along."
-Peter Quill, 'Guardians of the Galaxy.'
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"I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think it's important to seek out that reason; that's how we learn."
-Drew Barrymore.
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"Time doesn't heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go."

- Roy T. Bennett,' The Light in the Heart', 2016.

Written by Nahani Johnson, May 2022

Living with 22q

Our Feelings Matter

 

When I was younger, if I had an issue with anything, certain responses were always "just put up with it, ignore it," etc….. Because people didn’t know how to deal with things or resolve them, or help me to feel better, ever. There were never even any hugs given, or I love you’s when I really needed it. 

Because of this, it causes one to feel like they have to stuff away everything they feel when they aren’t given a chance to be heard, or acknowledged. Regardless of whether people can handle a subject or help make someone feel better without it being something like candy or chocolate… (This was the answer back then. It was a ‘’temporary’’ solution and only distracted from the matter.) In the end, what do you feel? More mad, more frustrated.  

As self-care seems to be an ongoing theme for me, an important part of self-care is also knowing when to speak up.

Even when you feel like you won’t be heard, the effort has to be made at some point. 

I believe in healthy give and take, and healthy relationships call for both parties to have a voice, be heard, and feel heard. Experience forgiveness, an apology (letting go of one's pride, accepting when they have done someone wrong, making a conscious effort to NOT do it again, along with serious efforts to fix an issue when there is sincere love. 

In this Covid/war world, we have too much thinking time - and I am looking forward to having some long-awaited things at least attempted to be dealt with, “maybe some nice surprises come out of it?’’ and maybe finding some love from some of these people I deal with. I am also needing to take on some martial arts later, and also plan on learning some more assertiveness skills for myself and my daughters’ sake.  

To Be Continued!

Written by Nahani Johnson, April 2022

Living with 22q